I created House Shadowrider following my interest and regular game-play at Dark Alleyway, an RPG of sorts for those interested in the Vampiric lifestyle and those who thought it is merely a game.
Perhaps to some it is.
To me, however, finding the game was only a small step in my understanding of what it was that called me over the years. Sure, I felt the call of the Goddess at a young age. I became pagan before I became a teenager. There was always something different though - always something nagging at me. I knew when my friends had their menstrual cycle by their scent; I was the one offering to help if someone cut themselves - why? Because I thought no one would notice me licking their blood off my own hands.
By the time I was 17, I'd found one person that shared his blood with me willingly, albeit unknowning as to why I wanted it. His cut, his allowing me to drink directly from his flesh, was the true beginning of my journey.
My (now ex-)husband allowed me to have his blood some eight or so years into our relationship. He never knew I was taking his blood when I'd leave hickies in tender spots where it was easy to simply bite down a bit and create that little blood pool. He became uncomfortable following his first, and only, true blood letting. I never asked again, and he never volunteered. Perhaps it is this need within me that caused me to pull away from him over the years, perhaps not - either way, that's over.
I read what I could of vampires and vampirism over the internet and through library books. I knew the Dracula stories were wrong; I identified only too well with Elizabeth Bathory and Vlad the Impaler. Horrible to say, yet more horrible to realize. No, I wouldn't go so far as to actually kill for the blood lust, but I could see how they would. Different times, different circumstances.
Upon discovering a friend's interest in vampirism (she will know who she is...) I've managed to come into more interesting and truthful information than I had previously found. Following links to vampire sites often led me to game play, blood fetishists and fan sites for Anne Rice and the like. Not what I was looking for, and my friend knew this. Thankfully, she's had years to collect and preserve information and experience - of which she has shared.
Moving beyond the game now (made some friends, for which I am thankful), I will explore my Vampirism more thoroughly. Energy, whether blood, natural or emotional, has become my friend rather than my enemy. I know I will be accepted for what I am, perhaps not by everyone, perhaps not even anyone but a select few. Never the less - I will not hide in the shadows - I will ride them.
I confront my Change eagerly, and shall Become.